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	<title>Lauren Bans</title>
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	<link>http://laurenbans.com</link>
	<description>freelance writer</description>
	<pubDate>Wed, 21 Apr 2010 18:16:44 +0000</pubDate>
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		<title>GQ: Domino&#8217;s Taste Test</title>
		<link>http://laurenbans.com/?p=182</link>
		<comments>http://laurenbans.com/?p=182#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 21 Apr 2010 18:14:28 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[Conclusion: Domino's is still gross. As gross as it's always been. But, wait, be happy! No one really wants to live in a world where Domino's makes good pizza.]]></description>
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		<title>GQ: Tiger Woods Apology Live Blog!</title>
		<link>http://laurenbans.com/?p=179</link>
		<comments>http://laurenbans.com/?p=179#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 21 Apr 2010 18:12:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>laurenbans</dc:creator>
		
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		<description><![CDATA[tigerpress.pngTiger Woods, you guys. Over the course of the last few months, it's come out that he's bogeyed, and double bogeyed—really, he's just been doing a whole lot of bogeying. But now he wants to get back to even-par with you fine folks, and he's taking to the televisual box to apologize for all his sordid putts into unauthorized holes. ]]></description>
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		<title>GQ: Perky Jerky&#8211; This Changes Everything</title>
		<link>http://laurenbans.com/?p=177</link>
		<comments>http://laurenbans.com/?p=177#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 21 Apr 2010 18:09:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>laurenbans</dc:creator>
		
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		<category><![CDATA[GQ]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Bugged-out energy junkies rejoice! You have a friend in Food Science. Once a field dedicated to sober ventures like vitamins, gustatory science has finally devolved into a tool for gimmick food. ]]></description>
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		<title>Double X: Cheese Poppers, Pork Sausage, Carbonara: What Christina Hendricks Puts In Her Mouth</title>
		<link>http://laurenbans.com/?p=175</link>
		<comments>http://laurenbans.com/?p=175#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 15 Jan 2010 03:54:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>laurenbans</dc:creator>
		
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		<description><![CDATA[The interview fetishizes the deep-fried bits she eats and her girdle-induced upper thigh bruises (yes, she talks about how the Mad Men costumes uncomfortably pierce her flesh) as only a magazine whose pages are usually filled exclusively with size 2 women can.]]></description>
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		<title>In Which We Teach James Cameron A Thing Or Two</title>
		<link>http://laurenbans.com/?p=173</link>
		<comments>http://laurenbans.com/?p=173#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 06 Jan 2010 17:43:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>laurenbans</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[This Recording]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[But the more blatant lesson of Avatar is not that American imperialism is bad, but that in fact it’s necessary. Sure there are some bad Americans—the ones with tanks ready to mercilessly kill the Na’vi population, but Jake is set up as the real embodiment of the American spirit. He learns Na’vi fighting tactics better than the Na’vi themselves, he takes the King’s daughter for his own, he becomes the only Na’vi warrior in centuries to tame this wild dragon bird thing. Even in someone else’s society the American is the chosen one. He’s going to come in, lead your army, fuck your princesses, and just generally save the day for you. Got it? This is how we do it.]]></description>
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		<title>This Recording: In Which We Await the Imminent Robot Takeover</title>
		<link>http://laurenbans.com/?p=161</link>
		<comments>http://laurenbans.com/?p=161#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 16 Nov 2009 07:04:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>laurenbans</dc:creator>
		
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		<category><![CDATA[This Recording]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[There are really only two reasons to watch Cherry 2000.

1.) You’re an insomniac whose penchant for Battlestar takes you to the SciFi channel at 3am, or

2.) You have this theory that you tend to divulge whilst intoxicated on dates about how exactly the inevitable robot takeover is going to happen, and Cherry 2000 happens to be a 1987 Melanie Griffith film about futuristic sex robots.
]]></description>
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		<title>This Recording: In Which This Is Not Love</title>
		<link>http://laurenbans.com/?p=155</link>
		<comments>http://laurenbans.com/?p=155#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:34:10 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>laurenbans</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Published]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[John Hughes rightly concerned himself with crushes, infatuations, the first flushes of like—developments that can realistically be covered in two hours. Molly Ringwald scores the popular bro and Eric Stoltz learns that there is such a thing as upward penis mobility for the working class redhead. Real love is boring and unwatchable. This is not love:

I LOVE The Smiths.

Wait, you like The Smiths?

Yeah! (sings) ‘To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die’ Love 'em.
]]></description>
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		<title>Bitch Magazine: Wee Are The Champions</title>
		<link>http://laurenbans.com/?p=147</link>
		<comments>http://laurenbans.com/?p=147#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:58:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>laurenbans</dc:creator>
		
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		<category><![CDATA[Bitch Magazine]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[It's no surprise that competitive eating draws both avid fans and disgusted jeers: America is obsesssed with both food and the denying of it. And it's this fact that makes the ascendancy of female competitive eaters all the more fascinating.]]></description>
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		<title>The Awl: The Man Who Was Richard Elvern Marsh, Sky &#8220;Sunshine&#8221; Saxon and Arelich Aquarian: An Appreciation</title>
		<link>http://laurenbans.com/?p=141</link>
		<comments>http://laurenbans.com/?p=141#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 30 Aug 2009 14:11:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>laurenbans</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Published]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[the awl]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://laurenbans.com/?p=141</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A brief history non-lesson: In the 60’s everyone except your parents was tripping on acid and spilling the dream juice of sexual liberation all over their translucent muumuus. Music was at the forefront of this cultural cabal—maybe you’ve heard of Woodstock. And then this guy came to Hollywood to audition for Tarzan only to fail as an actor, find yoga, and turn his fortune around by starting a health food restaurant at the corner of Sunset and Sweetzer called The Source. ]]></description>
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		<title>Alternet: Fake Boobs, Donald Trump and Miss USA: Why Do Trashy Beauty Pageants Still Exist?</title>
		<link>http://laurenbans.com/?p=138</link>
		<comments>http://laurenbans.com/?p=138#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 May 2009 15:53:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>laurenbans</dc:creator>
		
		<category><![CDATA[Published]]></category>

		<category><![CDATA[Alternet]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://laurenbans.com/?p=138</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The latest tabloid controversy over the Miss USA pageant yet again begs the question: Why is anyone taking this stuff seriously? ]]></description>
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